I quit my job today.

I quit my job today.

I’ve been working at Colony Brands as a technical design intern for the last two months. Just like anyone else, I was super excited to start this next phase of my life. It was my first position after graduation and it was actually in my field of study. The first couple weeks were amazing, and I learned an incredible amount of valuable knowledge. The people were all extremely nice and welcoming as well. So, really I didn’t have any complaints. However, as time drew on I slowly realized my place was as a secretary for the technical design team, my title was “clerical/intern”. This isn’t a terrible thing, it’s what is expected out of an internship. You’re the bottom of the ladder, everyone starts there.

The problem wasn’t the position or the work, though it did become quite boring. The problem was that the entire office lacked excitement or even inspiration. The clothes everyone was working so hard on weren’t even original ideas. How do you get excited about copying the silhouette from that dress and the print from that shirt to make your design? No one even sketched ideas. This was a huge issue for me, I thrive on creativity and I couldn’t find many people with it.

I had a job in college and on the first day I saw so many senior staff members that I couldn’t wait to become. I wanted to know everything they knew and run everything they ran. I came to Colony and there was none of that. I looked around and realized I didn’t want to be in any of their positions. I certainly didn’t want to stay where I was, but I couldn’t see where else to go. Once you realize there is no where for you to go, it’s pretty depressing.

I started spiraling in my own head about wasting my young life away. I spent many nights uninspired and unmotivated to do anything. For 3 weeks straight, I came home from work, walked the dog, and turned on Netflix until it was time to go to bed. I was just moving through my days without any thought of how much time was passing. People would ask me what was on my schedule at work and I’d have to check what day it actually was, everyday. I felt like I was living life with a filter over my own eyes.

Eventually, I pulled myself out of the water for a quick breath of air. I consciously realized that there was not a single thing about my situation that was bringing me joy. I searched. I couldn’t find a single aspect of this life that was bringing me an ounce of happiness. The job was certainly beneficial from a resume stand point. The paycheck was financially comforting. Those have never been important in my definition of success or happiness. So, once I realized all of this the decision was easy, but scary.

I am now faced with the daunting task of confronting my parents, moving back in with them, and starting a business without much of a safety net.

Here’s to happiness.